A
is for Arteries.
You know, the things that your ex-girlfriend ripped out because she really didn’t care for you you twit she was only after your money and could have given a ~Censored~ about you.

B
is for Bitter. Who, me?? No way. I really hope things between them do work out. I hope they get married and have 2 children that are little devils and her hips get huge and his eyebrows finally grow completely together and they get fat and old together and then DIE!!

C
is for Call ya later. She won’t. She never has before.

D
is for Dumped. Does D need to be explained?

E
is for Eating like a pig. Remember when you took her out and she said “I’m not hungry” so you figured you could take her to a nice place because you were able to afford a nice meal at this fine restaurant. Then she ate more than your Uncle Roy (you remember Uncle Roy the one with the mustard stains on everything). So you flip the bill and are broke for the next two weeks and she wonders why you were unable to call her that week and go see movies.

F
is for Friends. That is what she just wants to be. As if you can even stand to look at her.

G
is for Gun. And yes there is a waiting period.

H
is for Horny. Remember when she looked nice and even had a personality? Well, you figure it out.

I
stands for I still hate her. Odds are I always will, unless she calls me and offers me favors.

J
stands for Jim. This is her new boyfriend. Doesn’t Jim have a nice car ? Doesn’t Jim have a good job? Why does Jim want to date her? I think Jim could do much better. I hate Jim. Jim is my mortal enemy.

K
stands for Kill.

L
is for Love. It’s a great euphoric feeling that exists between two people and is shared upon by both parties.

L
is also for Lunatic. Lunatics are crazy. Lunatics are the last people that actually believe in love.

M
stands for Mephistophiles. That is who she worked for.

N
stands for Necropheliac. She didn’t move very much, did she?

O
is for On top. When on top she has another O word.

P
is for Pill. She said she was on it. She lied. She is now sueing you for a few hundred bucks a month.

Q
is for Quitter. She couldn’t last.

R
is for Rich little ***. She bought my love but I paid for it.

S
stands for Suffer. That’s what she made me do.

T
is for torture. Torture is what she did. She tortured you with the truth. She also tortured you with lies.

U
is for Understatement. Saying you hate that ~Censored~ is an understatement.

V
is for Voluptuous. That is the primamry reason you were dating her in the first place.

W
stands for Whine. She was a pro at this.

X
is for Xylophone. Because X is always for xylophone.

Y
stands for You suck! Remember when she yelled that at you.

Z
stands for ZIPPER. This is what you got your hair stuck in while trying to get dressed too quickly while she yelled “QUICK! They’re home!”

 1.  Where was the first potato found?
Ans: In the ground.
 
2.  What comes down but never goes up?
Ans: rain.
 
3.  If three cats kill three rats in three minutes, how long will it take hundred cats to kill hundred rats?
Ans: three minutes.
 
4.  What can fly but has no wings?
Ans: Time.
 
5.  What always goes 2 sleeps wearing its shoes?
Ans: Horse.
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1. Newton’s Method:

Let, the lion catch you. For every action there is equal and opposite reaction. Implies you caught lion
 
2. Einstein Method:

Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion. Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon. Now you can
trap it easily.
 
3. Schrodinger Method:

At any given moment, there is a positive probability that lion to be in the cage. So set the trap, sit down and wait.
 
4. Inverse Transformation Method:
 
We place a spherical cage in the forest and enter it. Perform an inverse transformation with respect to lion. Lion is in and we are out.
 
5. Thermodynamic Procedure:
 
We construct a semi-permeable membrane which allows everything to pass it except lions. Then sweep the entire forest with it.
 
6. Integration Differential Method:

Integrate the forest over the entire area. The lion is some where in the result. So differentiate the result PARTIALLY w.r.t lion to trace out the lion.

1 Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is not the only thing in life!! 
 
2 Men have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later, for another thing, they die earlier.
 
3 Marriage is a three ring circus: -engagement ring ,wedding ring ,suffering.
 
4 When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why? When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why??
 
5 Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

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Dear John:

I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we’re apart. I can be forever happy–will you let me be yours?

Gloria

—————-***************—————-***************

Dear John:

I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me. For other men, I yearn. For you, I have no feelings whatsoever. When we’re apart, I can be forever happy. Will you let me be?

Yours,
Gloria