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The Fired/Laid-Off Worker – This type is only interested in one thing: revenge. He wants to pay back his boss or another co-worker by wreaking havoc in the company’s computer.

The Messed-Up Kamikaze Dumbass – This persona is quite rare, he will write a malicious virus and then unleash it on his own computer! Then he will sit back and laugh as his computer gets trashed.

The Do-Gooder – This virus writer also belongs to the “dumbass” branch of virus writers. What he does is write a virus, then call McAfee or Norton and tell them about his virus and how to block it, so everybody will be safe from it.

The Prankster - A mostly harmless virus writer here, just makes fake viruses, that don’t do anything, just pretend to erase your hard disk. Or the virus could be something annoying like flipping your mouse keys, opening the cd drive, or restarting the computer every 5 minutes.

The 100% Pure Evil Virus Writer – This is the most feared virus writer of all. If you run across this virus overlord, you might as well go back to a piece of paper and forget about your computer. No virus protection program can save you now, AHAHAHA! This is the virus writer that you heard about on the news last night, yeah you know, the one that knocked out the CIA mainframe.

I’m not anti-social. I’m just not user friendly.

Girls are like Internet Domain names, the ones I like are already taken.

Whats the chemical formula of compressed liquid oxygen?
O2.zip

The Internet: where men are men, women are men, and children are the FBI …

Ive just loaded COLIN MCRAE HELICOPTER SIMULATOR on to my PC … but it keeps crashing …’

A computer technician says “Why even have a 3-chip Hi-Def camcorder if you can’t calibrate the white balance”!!!!!!!

- How do two programmers make money?
- One writes viruses, the other anti-viruses

A system administrator has 2 problems:
- dumb users
- smart users

How do you tell if a blonde is using a computer?
Their’s liquid paper all over the screen!

“Knock, knock.Who’s there?”
very long pause…
“Java.”

What’s the difference between a computer salesman and a used-car salesman?
The used-car salesman KNOWS when he’s lying.

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define “Great” he said,
“I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!”
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of an ice cream cone to prevent ice cream drips.

Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete’s sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway!

To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix. Keeps in the pantry for up to a year.

When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there
won’t be any white mess on the outside of the cake. Go to the bakery! Hell, they’ll even decorate it for you!

If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it’s still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant ‘fix-me-up.’

If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that’s too bad. Please recite with me the real woman’s motto: ‘I made it, you will eat it and I don’t care how bad it tastes!’

Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
Celery? What the heck’s that?

Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust, so I don’t.
Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink! All your pains go away!

If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dish washing gloves. They give a non-slip grip
that makes opening jars easy.Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you.

Don’t throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

Leftover wine??????????? HELLOOOOO!!!!!!!

Lastly, if you don’t forward this to 1 of your friends within the next 5 minutes your belly button will unscrew and your butt will fall off.

Really…. It’s true! Have I ever lied to you?

10.) Print them out and use them for toilet paper.

9.) Translate it into your second language for extra practice.

8.) Forward it to someone you hate.

7.) Forward it to your friends.

6.) Collect a week’s spams and write your masters thesis.

5.) Print it out, circle the spammer’s address, write return to sender across it, and drop it in the streetcorner mailbox.

4.) Take 20 spams, change the fonts, print them out, and make individual ransom notes to send to each spammer.

3.) Call the 800# on the spam, and recite the entire email backwards once someone answers.

2.) If the contact number on the spam is not toll free, call collect and repeat #3.

1.) Slap the CEO of a bulk-emailing firm.