Once there was a little island country. The land of this country was the tiny island itself. The total money in circulation was 2 dollars as there were only two pieces of 1 dollar coins circulating around.

1) There were 3 citizens living on this island country. A owned the land. B and C each owned 1 dollar.

2) B decided to purchase the land from A for 1 dollar. So, now A and C own 1 dollar each while B owned a piece of land that is worth 1 dollar.

* The net asset of the country now = 3 dollars.

3) Now C thought that since there is only one piece of land in the country, and land is non producible asset, its value must definitely go up. So, he borrowed 1 dollar from A, and together with his own 1 dollar, he bought the land from B for 2 dollars.

*A has a loan to C of 1 dollar, so his net asset is 1 dollar.
* B sold his land and got 2 dollars, so his net asset is 2 dollars.
* C owned the piece of land worth 2 dollars but with his 1 dollar debt to A, his net residual asset is 1 dollar.
* Thus, the net asset of the country = 4 dollars.

4) A saw that the land he once owned has risen in value. He regretted having sold it. Luckily, he has a 1 dollar loan to C. He then borrowed 2 dollars from B and acquired the land back from C for 3 dollars. The payment is by 2 dollars cash (which he borrowed) and cancellation of the 1 dollar loan to C. As a result, A now owned a piece of land that is worth 3 dollars. But since he owed B 2 dollars, his net asset is 1 dollar.

* B loaned 2 dollars to A. So his net asset is 2 dollars.
* C now has the 2 coins. His net asset is also 2 dollars.
* The net asset of the country = 5 dollars. A bubble is building up.

(5) B saw that the value of land kept rising. He also wanted to own the land. So he bought the land from A for 4 dollars. The payment is by borrowing 2 dollars from C, and cancellation of his 2 dollars loan to A.

* As a result, A has got his debt cleared and he got the 2 coins. His net asset is 2 dollars.
* B owned a piece of land that is worth 4 dollars, but since he has a debt of 2 dollars with C, his net Asset is 2 dollars.
* C loaned 2 dollars to B, so his net asset is 2 dollars.

* The net asset of the country = 6 dollars; even though, the country has only one piece of land and 2 Dollars in circulation.

(6) Everybody has made money and everybody felt happy and prosperous.

(7) One day an evil wind blew, and an evil thought came to C’s mind. “Hey, what if the land price stop going up, how could B repay my loan. There is only 2 dollars in circulation, and, I think after all the land that B owns is worth at most only 1 dollar, and no more.”

(8) A also thought the same way.

(9) Nobody wanted to buy land anymore.

* So, in the end, A owns the 2 dollar coins, his net asset is 2 dollars.
* B owed C 2 dollars and the land he owned which he thought worth 4 dollars is now 1 dollar. So his net asset is only 1 dollar.
* C has a loan of 2 dollars to B. But it is a bad debt. Although his net asset is still 2 dollars, his Heart is palpitating.
* The net asset of the country = 3 dollars again.
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*You’ve got choices.*

You can retire to Phoenix , Arizona where
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You’ve experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5.. You know that “dry heat” is comparable to what hits you in the face when
you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

You can retire to California where
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can’t afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5.. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought..

You can retire to New York City where
1. You say “the city” and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can’t find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is “nature.”
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You’ve worn out a car horn. (ed note: if you have a car)
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression. Read the rest of this entry »

If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.

If you don’t work enough, you’re a good-for-nothing bum.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, it’s exploitation.

If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your butt and find something better.

If you get a promotion ahead of her, it’s favoritism.

If she gets a job ahead of you, it’s equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks, it’s sexual harassment.

If you keep quiet, it’s male indifference.

If you cry, you’re a wimp. If you don’t, you’re insensitive.

If you make a decision without consulting her, you’re a chauvinist.

If she makes a decision without consulting you, she’s a liberated woman.

If you ask her to do something she doesn’t enjoy, that’s domination.

If she asks you, it’s a favor.

If you try to keep yourself in shape, you’re vain.

If you don’t, you’re a slob.

If you buy her flowers, you’re after something.

If you don’t, you’re not thoughtful.

If you’re proud of your achievements, you’re an egotist.

If you’re not, you’re not ambitious.

If she has a headache, she’s tired.

If you have a headache, you don’t love her anymore.

1. Wake up in a happy mooo-d.

2. Don’t cry over spilled milk.

3. When chewing your cud, remember: There’s no fat, no calories, no cholesterol, and no taste!

4. The grass is green on the other side of the fence.

5. Turn the udder cheek and mooo-ve on.

6. Seize every opportunity and milk it for all its worth!

7. It’s better to be seen and not herd.

8. Honor thy fodder and thy mother and all your udder relatives.

9. Never take any bull from anybody.

10. Always let them know who’s the bossy.

11. Stepping on cow pies brings good luck.

12. Black and white is always an appropriate fashion statement.

13. Don’t forget to cow-nt your blessings every day.

Q: WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED?
A: “Eighty -four. Because at that age, you don’t have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom.”(Judy,8)A: “Once I’m done with kindergarten, I’m going to find me a wife.”(Tommy,5)

Q: WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
A: “On the first date, they tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.” (Mike, 10)

Q: WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
A: “You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, “cause she’ll want to have videos of the wedding.” (Jim, 10)
A: “It’s never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you…that’s why I stopped doing it.” (Jean, 10)
A: “Never kiss in front of other people. It’s a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you. But if nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours.” (Kally, 9)

Q: THE GREAT DEBATE: IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED:
A: “It’s better for girls to be single, but not for boys. Boys need
somebody to clean up after them.” (Lynette, 9 )
A: “It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I’m just a kid. I don’t need that kind of trouble. (Kenny, 7)

Q: CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE:
A: “No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That’s why perfume and deodorant are so popular.”(Jan,9 )

Q: ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE:
A: “Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life.” (Roger, 9 )
A: “If falling in love is anything like learning to spell, I don’t want to
do it. It takes to long to learn.” (Leo, 7)

Q: ON THE ROLE OF GOOD LOOKS IN LOVE & ROMANCE:
A: “If you want to be loved by somebody who isn’t already in your family, it doesn’t hurt to be beautiful.” (Jeanne, A: “Beauty is skin deep.. But how rich you are can last a longtime.” (Christine, 9 )

Q: CONCERNING WHY LOVERS OFTEN HOLD HANDS:
A: “They want to make sure their rings don’t fall off, because they paid good money for them.” (David,
Q: CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE:
A: “I’m in favor of love as long as it doesn’t happen when “The Simpsons” are on TV.” (Anita, 6)
A: “Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I’ve been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me.” (Bobby, A: “I’m not rushing into being in love. I’m finding fourth grade hard
enough.” (Regina, 10) Q: PERSONAL QUALITIES NECESSARY TO BE A GOOD LOVER:
A: “One of the best qualities is to know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills.” (Ava,8) Read the rest of this entry »

1 “Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons.”

– Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949

2 “I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.”

– Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943

3 “I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won’t last out the year.”

– The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957

4 “But what … is it good for?”

– Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968,commenting on the microchip.

5 “There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.”

– Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977

6 “This ‘telephone’ has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us.”

– Western Union internal memo, 1876.

7 “The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?”

– David Sarnoff’s associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s.

8 “The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a ‘C,’ the idea must be feasible.”

– A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith’s paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.)

9 “I’m just glad it’ll be Clark Gable who’s falling on his face not Gary Cooper.”

– Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in “Gone With The Wind.”

10 “A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make.”
 

– Response to Debbi Fields’ idea of starting Mrs. Fields’Cookies.

Read the rest of this entry »

HE: I’m a photographer I’ve been looking for a face like yours!
SHE: I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours!!

HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance?
SHE: No, I’d like to have some pleasure too!!!

HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must have been given your share!!!

HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry! I’m having a headache this weekend!!!

HE: Go on, don’t be shy. Ask me out!
SHE: Okay, get out!!!

HE: I think I could make you very happy
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?

HE: What would you say if I asked u to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time!!!

HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why, don’t you already have one?

Read the rest of this entry »

Sign over a Gynecologist’s Office:
‘Dr. Jones, at your cervix.’

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In a Podiatrist’s office:
Time Wounds All Heels.

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On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday’s Meals–on Wheels

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At a Proctologist’s door:
To expedite your visit, please back in.

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On a Plumber’s truck:
We Repair What Your Husband Fixed

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On another Plumber’s truck:
Don’t sleep with a drip; Call your plumber!

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A student asks a teacher, “What is love?”The teacher said, “in order to answer your question, go to the wheat field and choose the biggest wheat and come back.
But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back o pick.”

The student went to the field, go thru first row, he saw one big wheat, but he wonders….may be there is a bigger one later.

Then he saw another bigger one… but may be there is an even bigger one waiting for him.

Later, when he finished more than half of the wheat field, he start to realize that the wheat is not as big as the previous one he saw, he know he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted.

So, he ended up went back to the teacher with empty hand.

The teacher told him, “…this is love… you keep looking for a better one, but  when later you realize, you have already miss the person….”

*”What is marriage then?” the student asked.

The teacher said, “in order to answer your question, go to the corn field and choose the biggest corn and come back. But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick.”

The student went to the corn field, this time he is careful not to repeat the previous mistake, when he reach the middle of the field, he has picked one medium corn that he feel satisfy, and come back to the teacher.

The teacher told him, “this time you bring back a corn…. you look for one that is just nice, and you have faith and believe this is the best one you get…. this is marriage.”