1. Learn to work the toilet seat; if it’s up put it down.

2. Do not cut your hair. Ever.

3. Sometimes, he is not thinking about you. Live with it.

4. Get rid of your cat.

5. Sunday = Sports.

6. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not ask us.

7. Anything you wear is fine. Really.

8. You have enough clothes.

9. You have too many shoes.

10. Crying is blackmail.

11. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work.

12. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.

13. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from pointblank
range. We are bound to miss sometimes.

14. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers.

15. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

16. Do not fake it. We would rather be ineffective than deceived.

17. Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an
argument.

18. If you do not dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, do not expect us to act like soap opera guys.

19. If something we said could be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.

20. Let us ogle. If we do not look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?

21. Do not rub the lamp if you do not want the genie to come out.

22. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done … not both.

23. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

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