Interesting Year 1981

1. Prince Charles got married

2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of  Europe

3.  Australia lost the Ashes tournament.

4. Pope Died

Interesting Year 2005

1. Prince Charles got married

2. Liverpool crowned soccer  Champions of  Europe

3.  Australia lost the Ashes tournament

4. Pope Died

Lesson Learned

The next time Charles gets married…

Someone should warn the Pope.

These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins!)

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK ).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A:Depends how much you’ve been drinking.

Q:I want to walk from Perth to Sydney – can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it’s only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe . Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not … Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
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Inside the post you will see the ten best and ten worst cities of our planet, according to Mercer’s 2009 Quality of Living survey.
Let’s start with the best cities. So, the tenth place is going to Sydney, Australia.

10. Sydney, Australia
Australia’s largest city, with a population of nearly four and a half million, Sydney’s beaches, beautiful harbour and cultural attractions – including the Sydney Opera House – are its big draws, although, according to Mercer, it is the world’s 15th most expensive city.

9. Bern, Switzerland
With a population of around 128,000, Bern is Switzerland’s fifth most inhabited city. The medieval centre is a UNESCO World Heritage Site, while Albert Einstein once lived and worked in the city as a patent office clerk.

8. Frankfurt, Germany
The largest financial centre on the continent, Frankfurt is the seat of the European Central Bank and the German Federal Bank. The city’s key sights include its 14th-century Gothic cathedral and a host of futuristic skyscrapers.

7. Munich, Germany
Germany’s third-largest city with around 1.36 million inhabitants, the Bavarian capital also boasts plenty of Gothic architecture. Munich was heavily damaged by allied bombing during World War II, but recovered to host the Olympic Games in 1972.

6. Dusseldorf, Germany
Situated on the Rhine, the city is renowned as a centre for German fashion, advertising and telecommunications, while the Dusseldorf Karneval attracts millions of visitors each year. The city is twinned with Warsaw, Moscow, Cairo and Reading.

5= Auckland, New Zealand
Home to 31 per cent of New Zealand’s population, Auckland boast two harbours – Waitemata to the north and Manukau to the south, helping earn its nickname: the City of Sails.
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1. Penguins can jump 6 feet in the air.

2. A group of Kangaroos is called a mob.

3. A young Kangaroo is called a Joey.

4. Emus and kangaroos cannot walk backwards.

5. Beavers can hold their breathe for 45 minutes under water.

6. The smallest bird in the world is the Humming Bird. It weighs less than 1 oz (or 28g).

7. A bear can run at speeds of up to 30 miles per hour (48 km/h).

8. Elephants are the only animal that can’t jump.

9. Polar bears are left handed.

10. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

11. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

12. Tigers have striped skin not just striped fur.

13. Reindeer eat moss because it contains a chemical that stops their body from freezing.

14.The coyote’s scientific name (Canis Latrans) means ‘barking dog’.

15. Snakes can see through their eyelids.

16. A Woodpecker can peck 20 times per second.

17. Woodpeckers don’t get headaches from all that pecking. Their skulls have air pockets to cushion the brain.

18. The praying mantis is the only insect that can turn its head 360 degrees.

19. Butterflies tast sensors are in their feet. They taste their food by standing on it.

20. Katydids have ears in their front legs.

21. The strongest animal in the world is the rhinoceros beetle. It can lift 850 times its own weight.

22. Flamingos are pink because shrimp is one of their main sources of food.

23. The flying frog uses flaps of skin between its toes to glide.

24. The slowest mammal on earth is the tree sloth. It only moves at a speed of 6 feet (1.83 meters) per minute.

25. The Chameleon’s tongue is as long as its body.
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Due to budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.

I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.

I love deadlines. I especially like the Whooshing sound as they go flying by.

I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person.

I Haven’t Lost My Mind. It’s Backed Up On Disk Somewhere.

Tell me what you need, and I’ll tell you how to get along without it.

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE;
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus.
3) You become Santa Claus.
4) You start to look like Santa Claus.

Some days you are the pigeon. Some days you are the statue.

Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult

The money is always greener in the other guy’s wallet.

If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away?

Too many freaks. Not enough circuses.

She Who MUST be obeyed

Chaos. Panic. Disorder. My work is done here.

I thought I wanted a career. It turns out I just wanted a pay check.

When money talks, no one criticizes its accent.

I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

My reality check bounced.

I love my cat. My cat does not care.

If At First You Don’t Succeed…Blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.

My bank account needs month-to-month resuscitation.

You’re Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me.

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

I don’t suffer from stress. I am a carrier.

Everyone needs to believe in something. I believe in chocolate.

Only in America, could a letter offering a million dollar prize be considered junk mail.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the Ark.

Professionals, on the other hand, built the Titanic.

I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.

If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

A closed mouth gathers no foot.

Don’t worry about the world ending today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.

A pat on the back is only a few centimetres from a kick in the butt.

The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.

What if the Hokey Pokey is really what it’s all about?

Think nobody knows you’re alive? Try missing a payment.

Does it scare you that you are looking for wisdom from a T-shirt?

And your cry baby whiny-butt opinion would be…?

I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning. Nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.

If it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

No one pays attention until you make a mistake.

Jesus loves you, but I think you’re a jerk.

Thousands of years ago, cats were worshiped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change ready.

Stamp Out Crime. Abolish the IRS.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

What am I? Fly paper for freaks?

I’m not rude. You’re just insignificant.

If I save time, when do I get it back?

A.S.A.P. means Always Say A Prayer.

Love is grand. Divorce is a hundred grand.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let him sleep.

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

I may be fat, but you are ugly and I can lose weight.

I’m really easy to get along with once people learn to worship me.

I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don’t care.

Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.

It’s lonely at the top, but you eat better.

Smile. It’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

If the left side of the brain controls the right hand, then only left-handed people are in their right mind.

Why does your nose run and your feet smell?

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.

IRS: We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got.

Money Isn’t Everything…But It Sure Keeps the Kids In Touch.

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

Are you sure I’m (age)? I want a recount! Read the rest of this entry »