1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00pm and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.

2. If it’s really a “rush job”, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it’s going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.

3. Always leave without telling anyone where you’re going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.

4. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living increase. I’m not here for the money anyway.

5. If you give me more than one job to do, don’t tell me which is the priority. I like being a psychic.

6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.

7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.

8. If you don’t like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations.
I was born to be whipped.

9. If you have special instructions for a job, don’t write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.

10. Never introduce me to the people you’re with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.

11. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it’s nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay so much taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager.

Health:
1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants, and eat less food that is manufactured in plants (factory).
4. Live with the 3 E’s — Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
5. Make Time for Prayers.
6. Play more games.
7. Read more books than you did in 2009.
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day & meditate/pray.
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day — and while you walk, SMILE !!

Personality:
11. Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don’t have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don’t overdo; keep your limits.
14. Don’t take yourself so seriously; no one else does.
15. Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake.
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..
18. Forget issues of the past. Don’t remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don’t hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and Laugh more often.
24. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree. Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Sir,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you, but I’m leaving the job. The offer was too lucrative and attractive for me to turn down. I had to abscond because I wanted to avoid a scene with the HR and you. I am sorry but I had no choice. TaTa – Bye Bye…

The project is working fine. There are only 108 issues pending, out of which only 38% issues are High Priority. Hence I am sure there is no need to worry about. The next Phase of major enhancements I have been working upon, have been completed halfway. I am sure the new person who would replace me would not understand what all I had done so far. Hence, for his and your convenience, I have taken care to remove all the work that I had been doing this far for nearly 3 months now. I am sure you will appreciate my insight and “big heart”. A great gesture…

Also, I have changed my contact number. So you will not be able to get in touch with me, to congratulate me. But I know your blessings are always with me. Last but not the least, I also have the Rs. 12000 entrusted to me by our company’s cultural events group, for the upcoming movie event. I am sure you would have wanted me to keep it with myself as an added bonus from our company. I respect you very much, hence your wish is my command. Bless me always… Read the rest of this entry »

When you have an important event to attend there are 7 great ways to make sure you perform at your very best. These tips are relevant for social events and business meetings. Discover how to communicate with confidence while making great conversation.

1. Decide what you want to say before the event . Review it in your mind to make sure it sounds okay. Keep rehearsing it until you can say it with conviction and confidence.

2. Consider your potential listeners. Who will you be talking to and which topics of conversation will be welcome? You need to make sure your message matches your audience.

3. Be yourself. The worst mistake is to pretend you are something you are not. People will see through you and distrust everything you say. Even if you communicate clearly and with confidence.

4. Never expect things to work out perfectly. Be ready to deal with problems by deciding in advance what you will do. What will you do if people ignore your input? Now is the time to decide and not later on in the heat of the moment.

5. Be flexible in your approach. Different people need to be treated differently. Pay very close attention to how people respond to what you say and keep adjusting your approach until you have a good rapport with your listener.

6. Make the other person the focus of your attention and let him lead the conversation in the early stages. Let that person steer the conversation onto topics that are of interest to him.

7. Anticipate what could go wrong . Then do what you can to make sure those scenarios do not occur. Adequate planning is the key to performing at your best in the moment.

1. Ask about pizza maintenance and repair.
2. Ask for extra homo-sapien
3. Ask for the guy who took your order last time.
4. Ask if the pizza is organically grown.
5. Ask them if you get a free date with one of the staff if you make an order over $30.
6. Ask if they have any idea what is at stake with this pizza.
7. Ask if they’re familiar with the term “spanking a pizza.” Make up a description to go with the term. Ask that this be done to your pizza.
8. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.
9. Order a one-inch pizza.
10. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
11. Ask what the order taker is wearing.
12. Ask them to not put a band-aid on it this time or you will sue.
13. Change your accent every three seconds.
14. Dance all around the word “pizza.” Avoid saying it at all costs. If he says it, say, “Please don’t mention that word.”
15. Learn to properly pronounce the ingredients of a Twinkie. Ask that these be included in the pizza.
16. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
17. Imitate the order taker’s voice.
18. Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream GOODBYE at the top of your lungs.
19. Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.
20. Order two toppings, then say, “No, they’ll start fighting.”
21. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say “crazy bread.”
22. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.
23. Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.
24. When they repeat your order, say, “Again, with a little more OOMPH this time.”
25. Terminate the call with, “Remember, we never had this conversation.”

The pessimist finds fault;
the optimist discovers a remedy.

The pessimist seeks sympathy;
the optimist spreads cheer.

The pessimist criticizes circumstances;
the optimist changes conditions.

The pessimist complains about the apple seeds;
the optimist plants them.

The pessimist imagines impending peril;
the optimist sees signs of prosperity.

The pessimist disparages;
the optimist encourages.

The pessimist creates loneliness;
the optimist finds friends.

The pessimist nibbles at the negative;
the optimist is nourished by the positive.

The pessimist builds barriers;
the optimist removes roadblocks.

The pessimist invents trouble;
the optimist enriches the environment

Just Check This Out !!!!

Scroll down slowly and be honest to yourself.

man
1. ————
board

Ans. = man overboard

stand
2. ————
i

Ans. = I understand

OK?…. Got the drift?

Let’s try a few now and see how you fair?

3. /r/e/a/d/i/n/ g/

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..

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Ans. = reading between the lines

4. r
road
a
d

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.
Ans. = cross road Read the rest of this entry »

Signs You’re “All Grown-Up Now

– You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

– 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

– You hear your favorite song on an elevator.

– You watch the Weather Channel.

– Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.

– You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.

– Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.”

– You’re the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won’t turn down the stereo.

– You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.

– Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up.

– Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

– You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM.

– Dinner and a movie is the whole date, instead of the beginning of one.

– A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good stuff.”

– You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

– 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

– You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

– You read this entire list, looking desperately for one sign that doesn’t apply to you, but, can’t find one to save your life.

Follow this tip to increase the priority of active processes, this will result in prioritisation of processes using the CPU.

CTRL-SHIFT-ESC

1.Go to the second tab called Processes, right click on one of the active processes, you will see the Set Priority option

2.For example, your Run your CDwriter program , set the priority higher, and guess what, no crashed CD’s.

Interesting but its true!

Letters ‘a’, ‘b’, ‘c’ ‘d’ do not appear anywhere in the spellings of 1 to 99, (Letter ‘d’ comes for the first time in Hundred)

Letters ‘a’, ‘b’ ‘c’ do not appear anywhere in the spellings of 1 to 999, (Letter ‘a’ comes for the first time in Thousand)

Letters ‘b’ ‘c’ do not appear anywhere in the spellings of 1 to 999,999,999, (Letter ‘b’ comes  for the first time in Billion)

and

Letter ‘c’ does not appear anywhere in the spellings of entire English Counting

Just Try……… ……… …….. except
C ..for…CASH !!