1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00pm and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.

2. If it’s really a “rush job”, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it’s going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.

3. Always leave without telling anyone where you’re going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.

4. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living increase. I’m not here for the money anyway.

5. If you give me more than one job to do, don’t tell me which is the priority. I like being a psychic.

6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.

7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.

8. If you don’t like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations.
I was born to be whipped.

9. If you have special instructions for a job, don’t write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.

10. Never introduce me to the people you’re with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.

11. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it’s nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay so much taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager.

SCHOOL: A place where Papa Pays & Son Plays.

LIFE INSURANCE: A contract that keeps U Poor all Ur Life, so that U can Die Rich.

MARRIAGE: An Agreement in which a Man Looses his Bachelors Degree & a Woman gains her Masters.

DICTIONAY: A Place where Success comes before Work.

SMILE: A Curve that can set a lot of Things Straight.

DOCTOR: A Person who kills Ur Ills by Pills, & kills U by Bills.

We all carry our mobile phones with names & numbers stored in its memory but nobody, other than ourselves, knows which of these numbers belong to our closest family or friends.

If we were to be involved in an accident or were taken ill, the people attending us would have our mobile phone but wouldn’t know who to call.

Yes, there are hundreds of numbers stored but which one is the contact person in case of an emergency?

Hence this “ICE” (In Case of Emergency) Campaign.

The concept of “ICE” is catching on quickly. It is a method of contact during emergency situations. As cell phones are carried by the majority of the population, all you need to do is store the number of a contact person or persons who should be contacted during emergency under the name “ICE” ( In Case Of Emergency).

The idea was thought up by a paramedic who found that when he went to the scenes of accidents, there were always mobile phones with patients, but they didn’t know which number to call.

He therefore thought that it would be a good idea if there was a nationally recognized name for this purpose. In an emergency situation, Emergency Service personnel and hospital Staff would be able to quickly contact the right person by simply dialing the number you have stored as “ICE.”

For more than one contact name simply enter ICE1, ICE2 and ICE3 etc. A great idea that will make a difference!

Let’s spread the concept of ICE by storing an ICE number in our Mobile phones today!

Please forward this. It won’t take too many “forwards” before
everybody will know about this It really could save your life, or put a loved one’s mind at rest ..

ICE will speak for you when you are not able to.

The mobiles industry wants as many people as possible to enjoy the benefits of mobile telecommunications and encourages individuals to use their mobile phones in a responsible manner and to be considerate and aware of situations where using their mobile phone might annoy others.

1. When in doubt, always go out
When possible go outside or to another room to make your call if your call might disturb others. Also, features such as text messaging answering services, call diversion and vibration alert can be used to receive important calls without disturbing others.

2. If you can’t turn it off, use silent mode
If you need to keep your phone on for important calls, then turn it to silent or vibrate mode. It’s the ring of a mobile phone in inappropriate places and times such as at the tennis or in restaurants which annoys people the most.

3. When required turn your phone off and check it’s off
There are some places where people should never talk on a mobile phone or send text messages and where the ringing of a mobile phone or message alert is considered highly unacceptable, such as: movies, stage shows, weddings, funerals, concerts, speeches, classrooms and lectures. In these cases, turn your phone off and remember to check it’s off before you enter the venue. You can always check your voicemail, text messages or your answering service afterwards.

4. Keep your conversations private
People’s sense of personal space varies in each situation. Making a call in a busy pub may be okay, but talking loudly in a confined space like a lift or on a train tends to infringe on others personal space. Be aware of where you are and who you are with and what others are doing before deciding to make or accept a call. In some situations it might be better to send a text message.

5. Speak softly
Mobile phones have very sensitive microphones that can pick even the softest voice, so there is no need to shout. If you are having trouble hearing the other caller, check that you have the volume on your phone set high enough.
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Please post more if you know any funny ones i didnt post Exclamation

1. Set all the alarm clocks to go off in 10-minute intervals

2. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, “Code 3 in housewares,…”and see what happens.

3. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M’s on lay away.

4. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

5. Go into a *beep* room, shut the door and wait a while and then yell loudly “There’s no toilet paper in here”.

6. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream “NO! NO! It’s those voices again!!!”

7. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from ‘Mission Impossible’.

8. Move a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

9. Sit down and relax on the patio furniture until they kick you out

10. Set up a tent in the camping department

11. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose.

12. Take pictures of absolutely everything.

13. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?

14. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say “PICK ME! PICK ME!”

15. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

16. Randomly put boxes of things suck as condoms and tampons into people’s carts.

17. See what you can “catch” by casting fishing poles into different isles.

18. Play football and see how many people you can get to join in.

19. Play soccer using the whole store as your field

20. Try on bras over your clothes in the middle of the store.

21. Try to get people to race you across the store.

22. Sit on the floor and watch T.V. in the electronics department.

23. Pretend to speak a different language and see how many weird looks you get

24. Superglue quarters to the floor and count how many people try to pick them up

25. Switch all the radios to strange stations suck as polka or Mexican rap and turn the volume all the way up.

26. Fill up carts and just leave them around the store.

27. When someone is behind you in a narrow aisle, walk very slowly, humming to yourself.

28. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and pretend to be superman.

29. TP the entire store.

30. Walk up to random strangers and say “I haven’t seen you in so long!” etc.
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