Most computer users understand that you need an operating system to use a computer practically, even if it is not clear why. But many users don’t.

* Tech Support: “May I ask what operating system you are running today?”
* Customer: “A computer.”

A girl walked into the computer center where I work. She said she was having problems with her Mac. I asked what kind of Mac she had. In an indignant voice, she replied, “Duh, Intosh.”

* Tech Support: “What operating system are you running? Windows 95?”
* Customer: (a little too excited) “95, 97, 98, I’ve got them all!”

After conferring with her husband, it turned out she owned a Macintosh with System 8.1.

* Tech Support: “Do you know what operating system you’re on?”
* Customer: “Hmmm…what would be a good answer?”

* Customer: “I don’t use DOS. What would happen if I deleted that directory?”

One time I had to walk a Windows 95 user through a particular procedure.

* Me: “First you need to open DOS-prompt. I’ll guide you–”
* Customer: “MY COMPUTER DOES NOT HAVE DOS! YOU THINK I RUN THAT ANCIENT SOFTWARE?” (click)

* My Friend: “I just installed Windows 98.”
* Me: “Cool. But…it’s 2001. Why not Windows 2000 or wait for XP to come out?”
* My Friend: “Oh, 98 is more easily hacked, so I want it.”
* Me: “You want to get hacked?”
* My Friend: “Yes! Wouldn’t you?”
* Me: “No….”
* My Friend: “When you get hacked you get a lot of money! That’s a good thing!”
* Me: “???”

* My Friend: “What’s your operating system?”
* Me: “Linux.”
* My Friend: “You better uninstall it!”
* Me: “Why?”
* My Friend: “The government uses Linux to look through your computer and see your every move. They use it as a security camera into your world.”
* Me: “Sure….”

* Friend: “I heard about this thing called ‘Linux’.”
* Me: “Oh, I use Linux.”
* Friend: “What is it?”
* Me: “An operating system.”
* Friend: “Like Firefox?”

* Friend: “Does Windows 98 support Linux?”

* Customer: “Do you sell Mac OS X for Windows?”

Overheard in a classroom:

* Student: “How much do Windows cost, and do you have to buy each one separately?”

* Customer: “How much do Windows cost?”
* Tech Support: “Windows costs about $100.”
* Customer: “Oh, that’s kind of expensive. Can I buy just one window?”

* Friend: “Hey, cool Mac! Does it have Windows!?”
* Me: (incredulous stare)
* Friend: “Oh, wait, that was stupid. All Macs have Windows.”

These are actual things we’ve heard from computer newbies. Scary but true.

* Intercom Explorer

* Can you get RAM on a CD?

* I think I deleted the internet.

* Whenever I’m on the phone, I can’t dial up. I think that’s a bug.

* I can’t find my desktop!

* Windows Me 2000

* It says “webmasteratalteringtime.com” isn’t a valid email address!

* My computer is performing illegal operations! Am I in trouble?

* I think it might be a problem with the soft drive.

* When I print, the holes are on the wrong side… I think I need to get the printer repaired.

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1. Home is where you hang your @.

2. The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.

3. A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.

4. You can’t teach a new mouse old clicks.

5. Great groups from little icons grow.

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