Thought 1
When we are born, our mothers get the compliments and the flowers.
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.
When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
What do women want to be liberated from?

Thought 2
The average man’s life consists of:
Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going,
Forty years of having his wife ask the same question;
and at the end, the mourners wondering too where he is going.

Thought 3
Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle to give away to the groom. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by the bride.

The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something. So he announced :

‘Ladies and Gentlemen. Today is the luckiest day of my life …’ Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued, ‘My daughter finally, finally returned my Credit Card to me.’

The whole audience including the priest started laughing . . . . . But not the poor Groom ! ! !
And now the Best one. . . . .

Thought 4
A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, ‘If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.’

The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted, ‘Stop ! Stand still ! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die.’

The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him. The man asked. ‘Who are you?’

‘I am your guardian angel,’ the voice answered.

‘Oh, yeah?’ the man said ‘And where the Hell were you when I got married?’

control your spouse

Why waste precious time and energy trying to control the thoughts and actions of your significant other when you can automate the process? Just push a button on the Control-Your-Man Talking Remote or the Control-Your-Woman Talking Remote and let it do it for you.
The remotes deliver a riot of verbal one-offs and funny sound effects sure to keep your spouse on the right track. Features 18 saying including (men control) “Time to listen!”, “What about my needs?”, “What were you thinking?” (Women control) “Zip it!”, “Clean up on aisle four!” and “All right, hand over the credit cards!”.

Whether a newbie or seasoned budgeter, nearly everyone has spending holes — leaks in your budget that drain money with you hardly noticing.

These small drips can add up to big bucks. Once you find the holes and plug them, you’ll keep more money in your pocket. That spare cash could be the ticket to finally being able to save, invest, or break your cycle of living paycheck to paycheck.

Here are 20 common ways people waste money. See if any of these sound familiar, and then look for ways to plug your own leaks.

How to waste your money

1. Buy new instead of used. Talk about a spending leak — or, rather, a gush. Cars lose most of their value in the first few years, meaning thousands of dollars down the drain. However, recent used models — those that are less than five years old — can be a real value because you get a car that’s still in fine working order for a fraction of the new-car price. And you’ll pay less in collision insurance and taxes, too.

Cars aren’t the only things worth buying used. Consider the savings on pre-owned books, toys, exercise equipment and furniture. (Of course, there are some things you’re better off buying new, including mattresses, laptops, linens, shoes and safety equipment, such as car seats and bike helmets.)

2. Carry a credit-card balance. If you have a $1,000 balance on a card charging 18%, you blow $180 every year on interest. That’s money you could certainly put to better use elsewhere. Get in the habit of paying off your balance in full each month.

3. Buy on impulse. When you buy before you think, you don’t give yourself time to shop around for the best price. Resist the urge to make an impulse purchase by giving yourself a cool-off period. Go home and sleep on the decision. If you still want to make the purchase a day or so later, do your comparison shopping, check your budget and go for it. Oftentimes, though, I bet you’ll decide you don’t need the item after all.

4. Pay to use an ATM. A buck or two here and there may not seem like a big deal. But if you’re frequenting ATMs outside your bank’s network, the surcharges can add up quickly. Put that money back in your pocket by using ATMs in a surcharge-free network such as Allpoint or Money Pass.

5. Dine out frequently. A habit of spending $10, $20, $30 per person for dinner can be a huge drain on your wallet. Throw in a $6 sandwich for lunch and a $4 latte in the morning, and you’ve got quite a leak. Learn to cook, pack your lunch and brew your coffee at home and you could save a couple hundred bucks each month.

6. Let your money wallow. If you are stashing your savings in your checking account or a traditional bank account, you are wasting money. You could put it in a high-interest online savings account and get paid to save. You can even get an interest-bearing checking account through such reputable companies as Everbank, Charles Schwab, E*Trade and ING Direct.

7. Pay an upfront fee for a mutual fund. Selecting no-load funds can save you more than 5% in sales charges. Of course, no matter how well a fund has done in the past, you can’t be sure how it will perform in the future. But if you pay a load, you’ll begin the performance derby in the hole to the tune of the load. See the Kiplinger 25 for our favorite no-load funds.

8. Pay too much in taxes on investments. Are you investing in a tax-sheltered 401(k) or Roth IRA? If you’re not maxing out those accounts before you invest in a taxable account, you’re spending too much.

9. Buy brand-name instead of generic. From groceries to clothing to prescription drugs, you could save money by choosing the off-brand over the fancy label. And in many cases, you won’t sacrifice much in quality. Clever advertising and fancy packaging don’t make brand-name products better than lesser-known brands (see Similar Products, Different Prices).

10. Waste electricity. Of the total energy used to run home electronics, 40% is consumed when the appliances are turned off. Appliances with a clock or that operate by remote are typical culprits. The obvious way to pull the plug on your energy vampires is to do just that — pull the plug. Or buy a device to do it for you, such as a Smart Power Strip ($31 to $44 at www.smarthomeusa.com, which will stop drawing electricity when the gadgets are turned off and pay for itself within a few months.
Read the rest of this entry »

When shopping, stores aren’t always looking out for your best interests. There are some things you can do that will help you save money and make sure that you always get the best possible
deal. The stores probably would rather you not know about these tips, but we would rather you come out ahead! Here are 10 shopping tricks that stores don’t want you to know.

1. Buy the Loss Leaders and Nothing Else
A loss leader is a product that a store puts on sale for below cost to lure you into the store. They want you to come in for that item and buy additional items or accessories that are not on sale.
Most of the time, there are limits to how many of each loss leader you can buy– for example, the ad will say “limit 3 per customer”. Buy only this item and get out!

2. Use the Credit and Pay it Off on Time
Stores will sometimes offer a credit offer on big ticket items such as TVs or appliances. The offer will be something like “6 months, no interest, no payments.” The stores are not to help you afford things, it’s to trick you into paying more for the item than if you had paid cash. These offers are dangerous, because if you miss a payment or don’t pay off the balance on time, you will get hit with interest retroactive to your date of purchase. However, if you are organized and pay off the balance on time, you will have used the store’s money for free– the value of the item can be sit in a high-yield savings account for the period of the interest free offer!

3. Say NO to the Extended Warranty
Stores will try to make you think that electronics are a big investment to scare you into buying an extended warranty. Don’t do it! This is another trick to get you to pay more for the item than you have to. The extended warranty business is a huge profit center for the stores. If you are worried about not having an extended warranty, purchase your electronics with a credit card that offers
extended protection.

4. Activate Your Own Phone Directly With the Cell Company
You can buy a used or unlocked phone for full price and avoid signing a contract, then activate the phone directly with the cell company your self. Cell phone companies want you to sign a
contract, most of the time, for a 2 year term. You can purchase your own phone elsewhere and contact the cell phone company to activate it with no contract!

5. Shop the Store, Buy Online
Do your shopping in the store– you can try the product and ask questions. Then, go online to purchase it later for cheaper. Stores have overhead, such as employees, electric bills, and rent– all of this is priced into your item. Most of the time, you can find the item you want online for cheaper because online stores may not have as much overhead.

6. Buy Only One When It’s Two for $5
Most of the time, you don’t have to buy 2 to take advantage of the “2 for” deals. Though laws may vary nationwide, you can usually buy just one at the unit price. The stores just want you to buy more than you need.

7. Open A Store Credit Card for the Discount, then Cut It Up
Many stores will offer a discount for signing up for the store credit card to make you purchase. Credit card companies make money from interest and fees. If you sign up for the card, get the
discount on your purchase, then pay off the balance, you can take advantage of the discount without letting the credit card companies take advantage of you. As long as there is no further activity on the card, they cannot charge you!

8. Use Websites to Track 30 Day Price Guarantees
Many stores have “30 day price guarantees” to make you think the price of your item will not go any lower. They may not, but they also know you’re not going to keep watching the price of an
item that you’ve already bought. If you do keep track of your purchase prices, you may take advantage of this rarely taken offer. There are even some websites that will watch prices for you and email you if your item drops in price during your guarantee period.

9. Buy Seasonal Items at Clearance Prices and Save Them For Next Year
Seasonal items are big deals for retail stores, and once the holiday is over they need to make room for the next one. You can take advantage of their rush to switch inventory and buy now for
next year. Stores want you to buy seasonal items at huge markups– show them who’s boss buy buying them at or below cost once the holiday is over.

10. Buy Accessories on eBay Rather Than Paying Huge Markups
Stores will often discount big ticket items, usually electronics, only to charge insane prices for accessories. These include connectors, controllers, cables, cases, or storage/memory. Buy these things online later and don’t let the store screw you. For example, Best Buy sells the Monster Ultra Series 8′ HDMI cable for $119.99. On Ebay, the most expensive price for this cable is $75 + $10 shipping for the exact same thing. And that’s if you go name brand– you can get a generic 8′ HDMI cable for $8 on eBay. If you got a good deal, don’t let the store take your money back by pressuring you into buying high priced accessories!

If you liked this article, please forward it to a friend!

SCENE 1.

People sure stay busy trying to cheat us, don’t they?

A friend went to the local gym and placed his belongings in  the locker. After the workout and a shower, he came out, saw the locker open, and thought to himself, ‘Funny, I thought I locked the locker.

Hmm, ‘He dressed and just flipped the wallet to make sure all was in order. Everything looked okay – all cards were in place.. A few weeks later his credit card bill came
- a whooping bill of  Rs.7,00,000!

He called the credit card company and started yelling at them, saying that he did not make the transactions. Customer care personnel verified that there was no Mistake in the system and asked if his card had been stolen. ?

‘No,’ he said, but then took out his wallet, pulled  out the credit card, and yep – you guessed it – a switch had been made.

An expired similar credit card from the same bank was in the wallet. on Bank Gift , Debit , Credit cards The thief broke into his locker at the gym and switched cards.

Verdict: The credit card issuer said since he did not  report the card missing earlier, he would have to pay the  amount owed to them.

How much did he have to pay for items he did not buy?

7,00,000!

Why were there no calls made to verify the amount swiped? Small amounts rarely trigger a ‘warning bell’ with some credit card companies. It just so happens that all the small amounts
added up to big one!

SCENE 2.
A man at a local restaurant paid for his meal with his  credit card. The bill for the meal came, he signed it, and the waitress folded the receipt and passed the credit card along. Usually, he would just take it and place it in his wallet or pocket.

Funny enough, though, he actually took a look at the card and, lo and behold, it was the expired card of another person. He called the waitress and she looked perplexed.  She took it back, apologized, and hurried back to the counter under the watchful eye of the man.

All the waitress did while walking to the counter was wave  the wrong expired card to the counter cashier, and the  counter cashier immediately looked down and took out the
real card.
No exchange of words — nothing!
She took it and came back to the man with an apology.

Verdict: Make sure the credit cards in your wallet are  yours. Check the name on the card every time you sign for  something and/or the card is taken away for even a short  period of time.

Many people just take back the credit card without even looking at it, ‘assuming’ that it has to be theirs..

FOR YOUR OWN SAKE, DEVELOP THE HABIT OF CHECKING YOUR CREDIT CARD EACH TIME IT IS RETURNED TO YOU AFTER A TRANSACTION!

SCENE 3:

Yesterday I went into a pizza restaurant to pick up an order that I had called in. I paid by using my Visa Check Card which, of course, is linked directly to my check ing account. The young man behind the counter took my card, swiped it, then laid it on the counter as he waited for the approval, which is pretty standard procedure. While he waited, he picked up his cell phone and started dialing. I noticed the phone because it is the same model I have,  but nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Then I heard a click that sounded like my phone sounds when I take a picture.  He then gave me back my card but kept the phone in his hand as if he was still pressing buttons.

Meanwhile, I’m thinking: I wonder what he is taking a picture of, oblivious to what was really going on. It then dawned on me: the only thing there was my credit card, so now I’m paying close attention to what he is doing..

He set his phone on the counter, leaving it open. About five seconds later, I heard the chime
that tells you that the picture has been saved.

Now I’m standing there struggling with the fact that this boy just took a picture of my credit card.

Yes, he played it off well, because had we not had the same kind of phone, I probably would never have known what happened.

Needless to say, I immediately canceled that card as I was walking out of the pizza parlor.

All I am saying is, be aware of your surroundings at all times.

Whenever you are using your credit card take caution
and don’t be careless..

Notice who is standing near you and what they are doing
when you use your card.

Be aware of phones, because many have a camera these days.

FORWARD THIS TO AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN
THINK OF. LET’S GET THE WORD OUT!
JUST BE AWARE !

Never let your card out of your sight…..
check and check again!