I’m not anti-social. I’m just not user friendly.

Girls are like Internet Domain names, the ones I like are already taken.

Whats the chemical formula of compressed liquid oxygen?
O2.zip

The Internet: where men are men, women are men, and children are the FBI …

Ive just loaded COLIN MCRAE HELICOPTER SIMULATOR on to my PC … but it keeps crashing …’

A computer technician says “Why even have a 3-chip Hi-Def camcorder if you can’t calibrate the white balance”!!!!!!!

- How do two programmers make money?
- One writes viruses, the other anti-viruses

A system administrator has 2 problems:
- dumb users
- smart users

How do you tell if a blonde is using a computer?
Their’s liquid paper all over the screen!

“Knock, knock.Who’s there?”
very long pause…
“Java.”

What’s the difference between a computer salesman and a used-car salesman?
The used-car salesman KNOWS when he’s lying.

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define “Great” he said,
“I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!”
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

When you shake hands, grasp the hand firmly. The power of your grip will convey your confidence. Make eye contact but keep an arm’s distance away. Shake the other person’s hand a couple of times, pause briefly, then drop the hand. Use your smile, eyes and tone of voice to convey a positive message. Observe the shake you are receiving. What can it tell you about the other person?
Different Types of Handshakes

The In-Control Shake
The initiator wants to convey a message of being in control. He’ll grab your hand with his right and place his left over the shake like a glove. He’ll want to show you he’s trustworthy but you’ll feel overpowered and probably uncomfortable.

The Bone-Crushing Shake
If he doesn’t pull your arm out of its socket, he’ll definitely break your fingers! You’re right to be on your guard. He’s sending a message: “I’m stronger than you. I will control.” People who shake like this want to be seen as confident but usually come across as aggressive. Smile broadly and offer you own firm-handed shake.

The Butterfingers Shake
This person probably has a dislike for shaking hands and wants to get it over quickly. She’ll grip your fingers lightly, then let go, leaving your hand hanging in mid air. She wants to keep you at a distance and probably avoids intimacy with others.
The Lifeless Shake

It’s that limp, cold shake that leaves you wondering what went wrong. Chill out – it’s not you, it’s the other guy and he’s creating a weak impression of himself. He says: “I’m lifeless and indifferent. Leave me alone.” Just shake and let go, don’t be tempted to offer a bone-crusher of your own!

The Body-Basher Shake
He’ll grab your hand in a dominant squeeze and pull your in to his personal space. Then he’ll slap his left hand over your wrist, elbow or shoulder with a blow that will send you rocking. It’s known as the ‘manipulation shake’ and you’re wise to be suspicious. If you don’t share emotional bonds with the person, beware. He may have a few tricks up his sleeve!

The Arrogant Shake
The arrogant shake is often used intentionally to undermine your sense of security. The person offers a stiff, flat hand with the palm facing down. The message is clear: “I’m in charge here, back off!” There’s no easy way to disarm this handshake as you’re forced to shake with your palm facing up which is submissive.

Watch the body language of the people you communicate with. When used in conjunction with the handshake messages, body language can tell you so much about the other person. You should easily be able to tell if they are listening to you, if they feel threatened by you or are annoyed. Also, use body language to your advantage to make yourself appear confident, approachable and trustworthy. If you give off negative messages, chances are that others will pick up on it too.

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Do you know the hidden Microsoft song? I hear this song while im installing windows, where its almost at the end where have to register your windows,  enter your username…….etc.

Some people might not hear it because, your sound card driver isn’t installed. If you want to know and hear that song, here it:

Go to
Start > Run > Copy and then Paste, or press and hold the Start + r .

C:\windows\system32\oobe\images\title.wma

and hit Enter, of course … Your media player should load the song, and now you can hear it.