10. Why it’s good to have five pairs of black shoes.
9. The difference between cream, ivory, and off-white.
8. Crying can be fun.
7. Fat Clothes.
6. A salad, diet drink, and a hot fudge sundae make a balanced lunch.
5. Discovering a designer dress on the clearance rack can be considered a peak life experience.
4. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
3. A good man might be hard to find, but a good hairdresser is next to impossible.
2. Why a phone call between two women never lasts under ten minutes.
1. Other Women!

Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of an ice cream cone to prevent ice cream drips.

Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete’s sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway!

To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix. Keeps in the pantry for up to a year.

When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there
won’t be any white mess on the outside of the cake. Go to the bakery! Hell, they’ll even decorate it for you!

If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it’s still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant ‘fix-me-up.’

If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that’s too bad. Please recite with me the real woman’s motto: ‘I made it, you will eat it and I don’t care how bad it tastes!’

Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
Celery? What the heck’s that?

Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust, so I don’t.
Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink! All your pains go away!

If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dish washing gloves. They give a non-slip grip
that makes opening jars easy.Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you.

Don’t throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

Leftover wine??????????? HELLOOOOO!!!!!!!

Lastly, if you don’t forward this to 1 of your friends within the next 5 minutes your belly button will unscrew and your butt will fall off.

Really…. It’s true! Have I ever lied to you?

This is a specially formulated diet designed to help WOMEN cope with the stress that builds during the day

BREAKFAST
1 Grapefruit
1 slice wholemeal toast
1 cup skimmed milk

LUNCH
1 small portion lean, steamed chicken with a cup of spinach
1 cup herbal tea
1 biscuit

AFTERNOON TEA
The rest of the biscuits from the packet
1 tub of Gino Ginelli ice cream with chocolate topping

DINNER
2 loaves garlic bread
1 family size Supreme pizza
3 chocolate bars

LATE NIGHT SNACK
1 whole cheesecake (eaten directly from the freezer)

REMEMBER :
‘stressed‘ spelled backwards is ‘desserts’
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A is for Arm
Uttered when thinking.

B is for Bull
What you’re charged for meal.

C is for Cuds
Children.

D is for Donut
Long version of don’t.

E is for Ear
What we breathe.

F is for Fush
Sea creatures.

G is for Guess
Used for cooking or heating.

H is for Hull
Land which isn’t flat.

I is for Ice cream
What I do when the all blacks lose.

J is for Jug
Type of Irish dance.

K is for Ken’s
Popular holiday city in Queensland.

L is for lust
Something you write before going shopping.

M is for Milburn
Capital of Victoria.

N is for Nutter
To have a yarn.

O is for one doze.
A pane of glass in a wall.

P is for pig
Found on a clothes line

Q is for Quad
Slang term for a British Pound note.

R is for Rung
piece of Jewellery.

S is for Sucks
The number after five.

T is for Tin
The number after nine.

U is for Undies
West Undies. Good at cricket.

V is for Volley
Area between two hulls.

W is for Windy
A girl name.

X for Xylophone
It’s the same in any language

Y is Yuppie
An expression of delight.