When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
David Bissonette

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together.
Sacha Guitry

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Anonymous

The great question …. which I have not been able to answer …. is, ‘What does a woman want?
Dumas

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Sigmund Freud

‘Some people ask the secret of our long marriage.  We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week.  A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing.  She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.’
Anonymous

‘There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking.  It’s called marriage.’
Sam Kinison

‘I’ve had bad luck with both my wives.  The first one left me, and the second one didn’t.’
James Holt McGavra

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you’re wrong, admit it,
2.. Whenever you’re right, shut up.
Patrick Murra

The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once….
Nash

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Anonymous

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Henny Youngman

A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.
Rodney Dangerfield

A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds:  ‘Wife wanted’. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: ‘You can have mine.’
Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): ‘My wife’s an angel!’
Second Guy: ‘You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.’

1. Wake up in a happy mooo-d.

2. Don’t cry over spilled milk.

3. When chewing your cud, remember: There’s no fat, no calories, no cholesterol, and no taste!

4. The grass is green on the other side of the fence.

5. Turn the udder cheek and mooo-ve on.

6. Seize every opportunity and milk it for all its worth!

7. It’s better to be seen and not herd.

8. Honor thy fodder and thy mother and all your udder relatives.

9. Never take any bull from anybody.

10. Always let them know who’s the bossy.

11. Stepping on cow pies brings good luck.

12. Black and white is always an appropriate fashion statement.

13. Don’t forget to cow-nt your blessings every day.