Learn to be there for each other.

A marriage that is made up of both elements. The committment that is made on that auspicious occasion for both the husband and wife and not just one or the other.  The efforts that should come from both sides to make things work. To make a marriage successful and everlasting.

Differences, disputes, misunderstandings and misconceptions should always be ironed out right from the beginning and always before matters become worse day by day. It’s always better to speak one’s mind and say what he/she is feeling before allowing that inner volcano to erupt. A spouse should not feel hesitant or fearful to say what he/she is feeling. Neither one should be thinking to oneself at any time during their marriage that “ If I were to say this or that, then all hell may break loose “. If a husband and wife cannot openly communicate well with one another then what’s the point. If a husband and wife cannot understand each other then what’s the point, right? They should be able to have not only a husband and wife relationship but also a strong friendship in which kindness, love, sensitivity, trust, loyalty, mutual respect, honesty and compromise be of utmost importance.

It takes two individuals to build a bond that strengthens over time if nutured well and given a lot of attention, caring and love. Just like a plant that needs water and sunlight so that its roots can become strong and it can grow into a healthy plant. If it is ignored for too long, then it will surely lose its stability and eventually wilt and die.

The same concept applies to not only a marriage but to build and hold onto a strong friendship. The foundation has to have stability for it to nurture into something worthwhile, longlasting and beautiful.

Just like anything in life, everything requires time, consistency and patience before the results may be noticeably visible. No success may be ours overnight and it is this exact patience, time and consistency which is being ignored nowadays and leading to destruction. The level of tolerance for one another has been seen diminishing and becoming almost extinct nowadays.

Either it’s the wife that is making the wholehearted effort or the husband. It’s unfortunate but the truth is that it is rare that it may be in balance from both ends. Either one is willing to compromise as opposed to the other. However, I feel that the weight always needs to be pulled from both sides. But it’s a shame that nowadays it’s truly not evident that this is happening. Many of the times, it is the woman who is trying to keep things together. Making any and every possible effort to keep the home and family from breaking down. It takes way too many years to build an honest and trustworthy relationship but only a few mere words to end it all off. That is always the easiest part to bring everything to an end but to start a married life all over again takes so much energy and mental capacity to be able to bring oneself into that frame of mind once again. Not easy to do at all. Sometimes perhaps not men as much, but women decide not to settle down again for many years because they have been so drained mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically that they cannot see themselves going through the whole melodrama all over again.
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Some people are part of your life, whether you want them there or not. What if you don´t have the warmest of feelings for your boss? Your mother-in-law? Your next-door neighbor?

It´s easy to come up with a mental catalog of all the ways in which that person could change to be less annoying, domineering, passive-aggressive, arrogant, etc.-but the fact is, you can´t change anyone but yourself.

Here are some tips about how to help yourself cultivate more friendly feelings. It´s quite a strain to hide feelings of dislike;  if you can manage to change your feelings, you´ll be much happier. It´s hard, but not impossible.

1. Seek contact. This is a bit counter-intuitive. If you don’t like someone, you probably feel like avoiding that person, but because of the psychological phenomenon known as the mere exposure effect, we tend to like people better the more we see them.

2. Do nice things for that person. “We prefer to see those to whom we do good than those
who do good to us,” as La Rochefoucauld observed.

3. Give that person a brief touch. Subliminal touching, i.e., touching a person so unobtrusively that it´s not noticed, increases people´s sense of well-being and positive feelings.

4. Lighten up. Joke about whatever annoys you, and if you can manage it, laugh about it with that person, or poke fun at your own reaction. Nothing neutralizes bad feelings like a good laugh.
This can be tough, however.

5. Act friendly. We think we act because of the way we feel, but often we feel because of the way we act. So act the way you want to feel. This is uncannily effective-just try it.

6. Resist criticizing that person. When you voice your complaints, they assume a solidity in your mind that´s hard to eliminate. When your thoughts remain unspoken, they can more easily be changed.

7. Remember happy shared experiences. Recalling good times elevates mood and will help warm your feelings.

8. Be grateful. Reflecting on reasons to feel grateful, instead of reasons to be angry or annoyed, will help change your view.   We think we act because of the way we feel, but often we feel because of the way we act.  So act the way you want to feel. This is uncannily effective-just try it.