1. If you’re too open minded, your brains will fall out.

2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

3. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.

6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

10. If you look like your passport picture, you’re probably too sick to travel.

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

15. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
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These are actual things we’ve heard from computer newbies. Scary but true.

* Intercom Explorer

* Can you get RAM on a CD?

* I think I deleted the internet.

* Whenever I’m on the phone, I can’t dial up. I think that’s a bug.

* I can’t find my desktop!

* Windows Me 2000

* It says “webmasteratalteringtime.com” isn’t a valid email address!

* My computer is performing illegal operations! Am I in trouble?

* I think it might be a problem with the soft drive.

* When I print, the holes are on the wrong side… I think I need to get the printer repaired.

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The following list of phrases and their definitions might help you understand the mysterious language of science and medicine. These special phrases are also applicable to anyone reading a PhD dissertation or academic paper.

“IT HAS LONG BEEN KNOWN”…
I didn’t look up the original reference.

“A DEFINITE TREND IS EVIDENT”…
These data are practically meaningless.

“WHILE IT HAS NOT BEEN POSSIBLE TO PROVIDE DEFINITE ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS”…
An unsuccessful experiment but I still hope to get it published.

“THREE OF THE SAMPLES WERE CHOSEN FOR DETAILED STUDY”…
The other results didn’t make any sense.

“TYPICAL RESULTS ARE SHOWN”…
This is the prettiest graph.

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