Thought 1
When we are born, our mothers get the compliments and the flowers.
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.
When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
What do women want to be liberated from?

Thought 2
The average man’s life consists of:
Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going,
Forty years of having his wife ask the same question;
and at the end, the mourners wondering too where he is going.

Thought 3
Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle to give away to the groom. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by the bride.

The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something. So he announced :

‘Ladies and Gentlemen. Today is the luckiest day of my life …’ Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued, ‘My daughter finally, finally returned my Credit Card to me.’

The whole audience including the priest started laughing . . . . . But not the poor Groom ! ! !
And now the Best one. . . . .

Thought 4
A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, ‘If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.’

The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted, ‘Stop ! Stand still ! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die.’

The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him. The man asked. ‘Who are you?’

‘I am your guardian angel,’ the voice answered.

‘Oh, yeah?’ the man said ‘And where the Hell were you when I got married?’

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, ” How do I know if I married the right person ?”

I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, ” It Depends. Is that your husband?”

In all seriousness, she answered ” How do you know?”

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it’s Weighing on your mind.

Here’s the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with Your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked Their idiosyncrasies.

Falling in love with your spouse wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a Completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn’t have to DO anything. That’s why it’s called “falling” in love… Because
it’s happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, ” I was swept of my feet.” Think about the Imagery of that _expression. It implies that you were just standing There; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy. It’s a passive and spontaneous experience.

But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It’s the Natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls Become a bother ( if they come at all), touch is not always welcome ( when it happens), and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute,  drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you Think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, ” Did I marry The right person?” And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of The love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else.

This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for  their Unhappiness and look
outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is The most obvious. But  sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.
Read the rest of this entry »

3 Easy Ways to Die :
Take a Cigar daily – You will die 10 years early.
Drink Rum daily – You will die 30 years early.
Love Someone Truly – You will die daily.

1. A foolish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.

2. Three FASTEST means of Communication :
1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell to Woman
Need still FASTER – Tell her NOT to tell ANYONE.

3. Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their friends.

4. A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and Best Woman..
Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.
Moral : BE SPECIFIC

5. Let us be generous like this : Four Ants are moving through a forest.
They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them.
Ant 1 says : we should KILL him.
Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone.
Ant 3 says : No, we will just throw him away from our path.
Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.

6. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend – You are missing SOME thing in your life.
If you HAVE a Girl Friend – You are missing EVERY thing in your life.

7. Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
Answer : On their MARRIAGE.

8. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness.
Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness – Please PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.

If you love someone because you think that he or she is really gorgeous…
then it’s not love..
it’s – Infatuation. ..

If you love someone because you think that you shouldn’t leave him because others think that you shouldn’t…
then it’s not love..
it’s – Compromise.. .

If you love someone because you think that you cannot live with out his touch….
then it’s not love..
it’s – Lust…

If you love someone because you have been kissed by him…
then it’s not love..
it’s – Inferiority Complex…

If you love someone because you cannot leave him thinking that it would hurt his feelings..
then it’s not love..
it’s – Charity…

If you love someone because you share every thing with him…
then it’s not love..
it’s – Friendship.. .

but if you feel the pain of the other person more than him even when he is stable
and you cry for him..
that’s – LOVE…

I love this and I absolutely had to share it with you. Its so simple and yet so true

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
How to live alone… Even if she doesn’t like it…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…
Enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own, even if she never wants to or needs to…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …
Something perfect to wear if the employer, or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …
A youth she’s content to leave behind….

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …
A past juicy enough that she’s looking forward to retelling it in her old age….
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A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …
One friend who always makes her laugh… And one who lets her cry..

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …
A feeling of control over her destiny…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
How to fall in love without losing herself..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
How to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.. .

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
That she can’t change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
That her childhood may not have been perfect…but its over…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
What she would and wouldn’t do for love or more…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW..
Whom she can trust, whom she can’t, and why she shouldn’t take it personally.. .

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
Where to go… Be it to her best friend’s kitchen table… Or a charming inn in the woods… When her soul needs soothing…
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EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
What she can and can’t accomplish in a day… A month…and a year…

CAN’T WE JUST BE FRIENDS?
There is no way in hell I’m going to let any part of your body touch any part of mine, again.

I JUST NEED SOME SPACE.
…. without you in it.

DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRESS?
We haven’t had a fight in a while.

NO, PIZZA’S FINE.
…. you cheap slob!

I JUST DON’T WANT A BOYFRIEND NOW.
I just don’t want you as a boyfriend now.

I DON’T KNOW, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?
I can’t believe you have nothing planned.

COME HERE.
My puppy does this, too.

I LIKE YOU, BUT…
I don’t like you.

OF COURSE I LOVE YOU.
…. just not in that way.

YOU NEVER LISTEN.
You never listen.

WE’RE MOVING TOO QUICKLY.
I’m not going to sleep with you until I find out if this guy at the gym has a girlfriend.

I’LL BE READY IN A MINUTE.
I’m ready, but I’m going to make you wait because I know you will.

OH, NO, I’LL PAY FOR MYSELF.
I’m just being nice; there’s no way I’m going dutch.

OH YES!!! RIGHT THERE!!
Well, near there; I just want to get this over with.

I’M JUST GOING OUT WITH THE GIRLS.
We’re gonna get sloppy and make fun of you and your friends.

H O L L A N D
Hope Our Love Lasts And Never Dies.

I T A L Y
I Trust And Love You.

L I B Y A
Love Is Beautiful; You Also.

F R A N C E
Friendships Remain And Never Can End.

C H I N A
Come Here …I Need Affection.

B U R M A
Between Us, Remember Me Always.

N E P A L
Never Ever Part As Lovers.

I N D I A
I Nearly Died In Adoration.

K E N Y A
Keep Everything Nice, Yet Arousing.

C A N A D A
Cute And Naughty Action that Developed into Attraction

K O R E A
Keep Optimistic Regardless of Every adversity.

E G Y P T
Everything’s Great, You Pretty Thing

M A N I L A
May All Nights Inspire Love Always.

P E R U
Phorget (Forget) Everyone… Remember Us.

T H A I L A N D
Totally Happy. Always In Love And Never Dull.

A
is for Arteries.
You know, the things that your ex-girlfriend ripped out because she really didn’t care for you you twit she was only after your money and could have given a ~Censored~ about you.

B
is for Bitter. Who, me?? No way. I really hope things between them do work out. I hope they get married and have 2 children that are little devils and her hips get huge and his eyebrows finally grow completely together and they get fat and old together and then DIE!!

C
is for Call ya later. She won’t. She never has before.

D
is for Dumped. Does D need to be explained?

E
is for Eating like a pig. Remember when you took her out and she said “I’m not hungry” so you figured you could take her to a nice place because you were able to afford a nice meal at this fine restaurant. Then she ate more than your Uncle Roy (you remember Uncle Roy the one with the mustard stains on everything). So you flip the bill and are broke for the next two weeks and she wonders why you were unable to call her that week and go see movies.

F
is for Friends. That is what she just wants to be. As if you can even stand to look at her.

G
is for Gun. And yes there is a waiting period.

H
is for Horny. Remember when she looked nice and even had a personality? Well, you figure it out.

I
stands for I still hate her. Odds are I always will, unless she calls me and offers me favors.

J
stands for Jim. This is her new boyfriend. Doesn’t Jim have a nice car ? Doesn’t Jim have a good job? Why does Jim want to date her? I think Jim could do much better. I hate Jim. Jim is my mortal enemy.

K
stands for Kill.

L
is for Love. It’s a great euphoric feeling that exists between two people and is shared upon by both parties.

L
is also for Lunatic. Lunatics are crazy. Lunatics are the last people that actually believe in love.

M
stands for Mephistophiles. That is who she worked for.

N
stands for Necropheliac. She didn’t move very much, did she?

O
is for On top. When on top she has another O word.

P
is for Pill. She said she was on it. She lied. She is now sueing you for a few hundred bucks a month.

Q
is for Quitter. She couldn’t last.

R
is for Rich little ***. She bought my love but I paid for it.

S
stands for Suffer. That’s what she made me do.

T
is for torture. Torture is what she did. She tortured you with the truth. She also tortured you with lies.

U
is for Understatement. Saying you hate that ~Censored~ is an understatement.

V
is for Voluptuous. That is the primamry reason you were dating her in the first place.

W
stands for Whine. She was a pro at this.

X
is for Xylophone. Because X is always for xylophone.

Y
stands for You suck! Remember when she yelled that at you.

Z
stands for ZIPPER. This is what you got your hair stuck in while trying to get dressed too quickly while she yelled “QUICK! They’re home!”

Learn to be there for each other.

A marriage that is made up of both elements. The committment that is made on that auspicious occasion for both the husband and wife and not just one or the other.  The efforts that should come from both sides to make things work. To make a marriage successful and everlasting.

Differences, disputes, misunderstandings and misconceptions should always be ironed out right from the beginning and always before matters become worse day by day. It’s always better to speak one’s mind and say what he/she is feeling before allowing that inner volcano to erupt. A spouse should not feel hesitant or fearful to say what he/she is feeling. Neither one should be thinking to oneself at any time during their marriage that “ If I were to say this or that, then all hell may break loose “. If a husband and wife cannot openly communicate well with one another then what’s the point. If a husband and wife cannot understand each other then what’s the point, right? They should be able to have not only a husband and wife relationship but also a strong friendship in which kindness, love, sensitivity, trust, loyalty, mutual respect, honesty and compromise be of utmost importance.

It takes two individuals to build a bond that strengthens over time if nutured well and given a lot of attention, caring and love. Just like a plant that needs water and sunlight so that its roots can become strong and it can grow into a healthy plant. If it is ignored for too long, then it will surely lose its stability and eventually wilt and die.

The same concept applies to not only a marriage but to build and hold onto a strong friendship. The foundation has to have stability for it to nurture into something worthwhile, longlasting and beautiful.

Just like anything in life, everything requires time, consistency and patience before the results may be noticeably visible. No success may be ours overnight and it is this exact patience, time and consistency which is being ignored nowadays and leading to destruction. The level of tolerance for one another has been seen diminishing and becoming almost extinct nowadays.

Either it’s the wife that is making the wholehearted effort or the husband. It’s unfortunate but the truth is that it is rare that it may be in balance from both ends. Either one is willing to compromise as opposed to the other. However, I feel that the weight always needs to be pulled from both sides. But it’s a shame that nowadays it’s truly not evident that this is happening. Many of the times, it is the woman who is trying to keep things together. Making any and every possible effort to keep the home and family from breaking down. It takes way too many years to build an honest and trustworthy relationship but only a few mere words to end it all off. That is always the easiest part to bring everything to an end but to start a married life all over again takes so much energy and mental capacity to be able to bring oneself into that frame of mind once again. Not easy to do at all. Sometimes perhaps not men as much, but women decide not to settle down again for many years because they have been so drained mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically that they cannot see themselves going through the whole melodrama all over again.
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Realize that your wife is a special person, and the most special person in your life. In my case my wife moved half way across the world to be with me.. The first step to appreciating your wife is to realize that they made sacrifices for you, and you need to let them know that you appreciate this. You can never say “I love you” enough, and when your wife does something to enhance your life, let them know that you really appreciate it.

Wedding Rings
Never take your wife fore-granted. When you got married, you made a commitment to love and cherish this women. Even if you are upset or frustrated at them, remember that fighting gets you nowhere.. If you take your wife fore-granted, then you are bound to overlook all the special things she does for you on a daily basis.

Roses
If you have children, then you really need to take some extra time to pamper your wife. It could be a massage, bringing home her favorite dinner. Surprise her with a bouquet of flowers or roses.

My little angel
If you have children, make sure that you thank her for being the mother of your children. She carried your baby in her belly for nine months, the majority of the time it was painful and very difficult. As a husband, we get of easy, make sure you tell your wife what a great mother she is. You also should tell her how lucky you are to have such a wonderful wife and child.

If she is a stay at home mom, that does not mean she is “unemployed” she has a full time job that you can never call in sick. It is a 24 hour a day job, so do your best to help out. When you get home from work, help out. This is your baby too.

If you slip up and have a fight, make sure you say sorry. There is an unwritten rule in marriage. Your wife might not always be right, but she is never wrong. Be the first to say sorry, and don’t hesitate. After all, it takes two people to fight, and you should be a man and apologize for fighting, as at the minimum you are guilty of engaging in a fight.

If you apologize with sincerity, and really mean it, it will end most quarrels quickly. If you started it, then you should make it up to her with a nice dinner.By following the five steps above, your marriage will be better, you will be happier, and everyone will be on the same team. Follow these steps for a month, and get back to me. You will notice your marriage is better, your wife is happier, and you will be happier.