During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, ” How do I know if I married the right person ?”

I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, ” It Depends. Is that your husband?”

In all seriousness, she answered ” How do you know?”

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it’s Weighing on your mind.

Here’s the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with Your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked Their idiosyncrasies.

Falling in love with your spouse wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a Completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn’t have to DO anything. That’s why it’s called “falling” in love… Because
it’s happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, ” I was swept of my feet.” Think about the Imagery of that _expression. It implies that you were just standing There; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy. It’s a passive and spontaneous experience.

But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It’s the Natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls Become a bother ( if they come at all), touch is not always welcome ( when it happens), and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute,  drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you Think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, ” Did I marry The right person?” And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of The love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else.

This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for  their Unhappiness and look
outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is The most obvious. But  sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.
Read the rest of this entry »

1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I used to, before the Internet.

2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.

3) I will get dressed before noon.

4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Internet.

5) I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Internet-deprived.

6) I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Internet.

7) I will read a book…if I still remember how.
I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Internet.

9) I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.

10) I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.

11) I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Internet.

12) Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime … And the Internet will always be there tomorrow!

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2010 when…

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2 You haven’t played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don’t have e-mail addresses / facebook / Myspace / twitter.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7 Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn’t have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12 You’re reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn’t a #9 on this list

The prosecutor sees your lawyer in the hall, and they high-five each other.

- During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.

- He tells you that his last good case was a “Budweiser.”

- He picks the jury by playing “duck-duck-goose.”

- During the trial you catch him playing his Gameboy.

- Every couple of minutes he yells, “I call Jack Daniels to the stand!” and proceeds to drink a shot.

- He frequently gives juror No. 4 the finger.

- Just before he says “Your Honor,” he makes those little quotation marks in the air with his fingers.

- Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge, “Whatever.”

- He giggles every time he hears the word “briefs.”

- He keeps citing the legal case of Godzilla v. Mothra.

- He begins closing arguments with, “As Ally McBeal once said…”

1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sensual massage.”
3. Specify that your drive-through order is “to go.”
4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of “Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip…”
5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.
7. Speak only in a “robot” voice.
8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will “swipe your grub”.
10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
12. Sniffle incessantly.
13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
14. Name your dog “Dog.”
15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions “to keep them tuned up.”
16. Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what YOU think.”
17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your “astronaut training.”
18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for “violating your airspace”.
19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a “real hoot.”
20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
21. Practice making fax and modem noises.
22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and “cc:” them to your boss.
23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a “spider person.” Read the rest of this entry »

1. Wax the ceiling.
2. Loosen the lug nuts on your dad’s new car.
3. Drop your cat from a high place, to see if it really does land on all four feet.
4. Repeat above until failure.
5. Rearrange political campaign signs.
6. Sharpen your teeth.
7. Play Houdini with one of your siblings.
8. Braid your dogs hair.
9. Clean and polish your belly button.
10. Water your dog…see if he grows.
11. Wash a tree.
12. Genuflect to Larwence Welk.
13. Knight yourself and some close friends.
14. Found the Jim Jones’ School of Modern Bartending.
15. Flirt with an evergreen.
16. Scare Steven King.
17. Give your cat a mohawk.
18. Purr.
19. Mow your carpet.
20. Rake your carpet (to clean up the clippings.)
21. Whine
22. Play Pat Boone records backwards.
23. Re-elect Richard Nixon.
24. Dress like your favorite Heavy Metal group…surprise your grandmother.
25. Listen to a painting.
26. Play with matches.
27. Buff your cat.
28. Raise professional racing ferrets.
29. Paint your home…day-glo orange.
30. Dial-a-Prayer and argue.
31. Read Homer in the original Greek.
32. Learn Greek.
33. Change your mind.
34. Change it back.
35. Watch the sun…see if it moves.
36. Mail Jerry Falwell a Hustler magazine.
37. Recite romantic poetry…to your toaster.
38. Paint your windows.
39. Flash your goldfish.
40. Paint.
41. Smile.
42. Paint a smile.
43. Shoot at a fire hydrant.
44. Apologize to it.
45. See if you really can build a small nuclear device in your basement.
46. Rotate your garden…daily.
47. Plant a shoe.
48. Write letters to all the political officials that are representing you, and tell them what a good job they are doing…on April 1st.
49. Sweat.
50. Give a Rorschach (Ink-blot) Test to your gerbil. Read the rest of this entry »

John Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock
(MADE IN JAPAN) for6 am.
While his coffeepot
(MADE IN CHINA)
was perking, he shaved with his
electric razor
(MADE IN HONG KONG)
He put on a
dress shirt
(MADE IN SRILANKA),
designer jeans
(MADE IN SINGAPORE)
and
tennis shoes
(MADE INKOREA)
After cooking his breakfast in his new
electric skillet
(MADE IN INDIA)
he sat down with his
calculator
(MADE IN MEXICO)
to see how much he could spend today. After setting his
watch
(MADE IN TAIWAN)
to the radio
(MADE IN INDIA)
he got in his car
(MADE IN GERMANY)
filled it with GAS
(from Saudi Arabia)
and continued his search
for a good paying AMERICAN JOB.
At the end of yet another discouraging
and fruitless day
checking his
Computer
(made in MALAYSIA),
John decided to relax for a while.
He put on his sandals
(MADE IN BRAZIL),
poured himself a glass of
wine
(MADE IN FRANCE)
and turned on his
TV
(MADE IN INDONESIA),
and then wondered why he can’t
find a good paying job
in AMERICA
AND NOW HE’S HOPING HE CAN GET HELP FROM A PRESIDENT MADE IN KENYA

Q: WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED?
A: “Eighty -four. Because at that age, you don’t have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom.”(Judy,8)A: “Once I’m done with kindergarten, I’m going to find me a wife.”(Tommy,5)

Q: WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
A: “On the first date, they tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.” (Mike, 10)

Q: WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
A: “You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, “cause she’ll want to have videos of the wedding.” (Jim, 10)
A: “It’s never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you…that’s why I stopped doing it.” (Jean, 10)
A: “Never kiss in front of other people. It’s a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you. But if nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours.” (Kally, 9)

Q: THE GREAT DEBATE: IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED:
A: “It’s better for girls to be single, but not for boys. Boys need
somebody to clean up after them.” (Lynette, 9 )
A: “It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I’m just a kid. I don’t need that kind of trouble. (Kenny, 7)

Q: CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE:
A: “No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That’s why perfume and deodorant are so popular.”(Jan,9 )

Q: ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE:
A: “Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life.” (Roger, 9 )
A: “If falling in love is anything like learning to spell, I don’t want to
do it. It takes to long to learn.” (Leo, 7)

Q: ON THE ROLE OF GOOD LOOKS IN LOVE & ROMANCE:
A: “If you want to be loved by somebody who isn’t already in your family, it doesn’t hurt to be beautiful.” (Jeanne, A: “Beauty is skin deep.. But how rich you are can last a longtime.” (Christine, 9 )

Q: CONCERNING WHY LOVERS OFTEN HOLD HANDS:
A: “They want to make sure their rings don’t fall off, because they paid good money for them.” (David,
Q: CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE:
A: “I’m in favor of love as long as it doesn’t happen when “The Simpsons” are on TV.” (Anita, 6)
A: “Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I’ve been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me.” (Bobby, A: “I’m not rushing into being in love. I’m finding fourth grade hard
enough.” (Regina, 10) Q: PERSONAL QUALITIES NECESSARY TO BE A GOOD LOVER:
A: “One of the best qualities is to know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills.” (Ava,8) Read the rest of this entry »

1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sexual favors.”
3. Specify that your drive-through order is “TO-GO.”
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions “to keep them tuned up.”
7. Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what you think.”
8. Practice making fax and modem noises.
9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and “cc” them to your boss.
10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
11. Finish all your sentences with the words “in accordance with prophesy.”
12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
13. Disassemble your pen and “accidentally” flip the ink cartridge across the room.
14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you “like it that way.”
16. Staple pages in the middle of the page.
17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
18. Honk and wave to strangers.
19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
20. TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
21. type only in lowercase.
22. dont use any punctuation either
23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets. Read the rest of this entry »

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who finds such a man.

HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED:
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, “You’re next.”
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.