10.) Print them out and use them for toilet paper.

9.) Translate it into your second language for extra practice.

8.) Forward it to someone you hate.

7.) Forward it to your friends.

6.) Collect a week’s spams and write your masters thesis.

5.) Print it out, circle the spammer’s address, write return to sender across it, and drop it in the streetcorner mailbox.

4.) Take 20 spams, change the fonts, print them out, and make individual ransom notes to send to each spammer.

3.) Call the 800# on the spam, and recite the entire email backwards once someone answers.

2.) If the contact number on the spam is not toll free, call collect and repeat #3.

1.) Slap the CEO of a bulk-emailing firm.

Please post more if you know any funny ones i didnt post Exclamation

1. Set all the alarm clocks to go off in 10-minute intervals

2. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, “Code 3 in housewares,…”and see what happens.

3. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M’s on lay away.

4. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

5. Go into a *beep* room, shut the door and wait a while and then yell loudly “There’s no toilet paper in here”.

6. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream “NO! NO! It’s those voices again!!!”

7. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from ‘Mission Impossible’.

8. Move a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

9. Sit down and relax on the patio furniture until they kick you out

10. Set up a tent in the camping department

11. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose.

12. Take pictures of absolutely everything.

13. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?

14. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say “PICK ME! PICK ME!”

15. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

16. Randomly put boxes of things suck as condoms and tampons into people’s carts.

17. See what you can “catch” by casting fishing poles into different isles.

18. Play football and see how many people you can get to join in.

19. Play soccer using the whole store as your field

20. Try on bras over your clothes in the middle of the store.

21. Try to get people to race you across the store.

22. Sit on the floor and watch T.V. in the electronics department.

23. Pretend to speak a different language and see how many weird looks you get

24. Superglue quarters to the floor and count how many people try to pick them up

25. Switch all the radios to strange stations suck as polka or Mexican rap and turn the volume all the way up.

26. Fill up carts and just leave them around the store.

27. When someone is behind you in a narrow aisle, walk very slowly, humming to yourself.

28. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and pretend to be superman.

29. TP the entire store.

30. Walk up to random strangers and say “I haven’t seen you in so long!” etc.
Read the rest of this entry »

Ghost Shit: The kind where you feel the Shit come out, but there is no Shit in the toilet.

Clean-Get-Away Shit: The kind where you Shit it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

Wet Shit: The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and underwear, so you won’t ruin them with a stain.

Second Wave Shit: This happens when you’re done Shiting and you’ve pulled up your pants to your knees, and you realize that you have to Shit some more.

Pop-A-Vein-In-Your-Forehead-Brain-Hemmorage-Shit: The kind where you strain so much to get it out,you practically have a stroke.

Gassy Shit: It’s so noisy, everyone within earshot is laughing.

Drinker Shit: The kind of Shit you have the morning after a long night of drinking. Its most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.

Lincoln Log Shit: The kind of Shit that is so huge you’re afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.

Corn Shit: Self-explanatory.

Gee-I-Wish-I-Could-Shit Shit: The kind where you want to Shit but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times.

Spinal Tap Shit: That’s where it hurts so badly coming out, you would swear it was leaving you sideways.

Wet Cheeks Shit: The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your butt gets splashed with water.

Liquid Shit: The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out your butt and splashes all over the toilet bowl.

Mexican Shit: It smells so bad your nose burns.

The Surprise Shit: You’re not even at the toilet because you are sure you’re about to fart, but oops … a shit!!!

The Dangling Shit: This Shit refuses to drop into the toilet even though you know you are done Shiting it. You just pray that a shake or two will break it loose.

Crowd Pleaser Shit: This shit is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to show it to someone before flushing.

Mood Enhancer Shit: This shit occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, thereby allowing you to be your old self again.

Ritual Shit: This shit occurs at the same time each day and is accomplished with the aid of a newspaper or other reading materials.

THE GUINESS BOOK OF RECORDS SHIT: A shit so noteworthy it should be recorded for future generations.

THE AFTERSHOCK SHIT: This shit has an odour so powerful than anyone entering the vicinity within the next 7 hours is affected.

THE “HONEYMOON’S OVER” SHIT: This is any shit created in the presence of another person.
Read the rest of this entry »