Follow this tip to increase the priority of active processes, this will result in prioritisation of processes using the CPU.

CTRL-SHIFT-ESC

1.Go to the second tab called Processes, right click on one of the active processes, you will see the Set Priority option

2.For example, your Run your CDwriter program , set the priority higher, and guess what, no crashed CD’s.

In case your keyboard or some keys stop working, Microsoft provides you with an alternative way to type-in using the mouse.
To work this tool,

Go to: ‘Start menu’
Select: ‘Run’
Type in: ‘OSK’
Press: ‘OK’

A keyboard will be displayed on your monitor which you can use with your mouse.

JUST TRY IT YOURSELF

Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ass?
Criminal Lawyer is a redundancy.
Daddy, why doesn’t this magnet pick up this floppy disk?
Death is hereditary.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
Did anyone see my lost carrier?
Diplomacy is the art of saying good doggie while looking for a bigger stick.
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.
Don’t be irreplaceable; if you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
Don’t drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
Don’t piss me off! I’m running out of places to hide the bodies.
Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.
Double your drive space. Delete Windows!
Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
Energizer Bunny arrested and charged with battery.
Error, no keyboard. Press F1 to continue.
Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film.
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Friends may come and go, but enemies tend to accumulate.
Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your mouth is moving.
Genius does what it must, talent does what it can, and you had best do what you’re told.
Get a new car for your spouse; it’ll be a great trade!
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
Good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Honk if you want to see my finger.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
How does Teflon stick to the pan?
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand. Read the rest of this entry »

By no means is tech support immune to exhibiting computer stupidity of their own.

* Customer: “Hi, I can’t seem to connect you guys are you having a problem?”
* Tech Support: “Well sir, what dialup software are you using?”
* Customer: “The one you provided.”
* Tech Support: “And what version is it?”
* Customer: (says the version number)
* Tech Support: “Oh, that’s the problem you need the latest version.”
* Customer: “Ok, how do I get it?”
* Tech Support: “Well, just transfer the file via FTP.”
* Customer: “Well that would be nice, but I can’t connect to the Internet.”
* Tech Support: (sounding exasperated) “I told you just to FTP the file sir.”
/******************************************/

I had trouble downloading an operating system upgrade for a PDA, so I called tech support.

* Me: “I can’t seem to get this download to complete. What might be causing it?”
* Tech Support: “What operating system are you running?”
* Me: “Windows NT.”
* Tech Support: “Well, you have to be running Windows 98 or better in order to download it.”
* Me: “Ummm, I am. I’m running Windows NT4, SP5.”
* Tech Support: “Are you on a PC or a MAC?”
/******************************************/

Back when high-speed internet was first getting started, my parents wanted to hop on the bandwagon right away and called a technician to come set them up. At the time I was in junior high school and couldn’t be there when the tech showed up.

It is important to note that although we were quick in getting high-speed Internet, we didn’t have a particularly state-of-the-art machine. It didn’t have a cdrom drive, for example, but I assumed the tech would be installing the software from a floppy.

Imagine my horror when I came home and found my mother trying to dig the CD out of our ancient 5 1/4″ drive with a key, while the “tech” stood behind her, scratching his head and saying, “I’ve seriously never seen one of those before. Are you SURE it’s not a cdrom drive?”
/******************************************/

I called up tech support because Internet Explorer insisted on opening everything I was trying to download with Quicktime.

* Customer: “Internet Explorer insists on opening everything I try to download with Quicktime.”
* Tech Support: “Ok.”
* Customer: “So whenever I click on anything that I want to download it tries to open it with Quicktime.”
* Tech Support: “Are you sure that its not a Quicktime file?”
* Customer: “No it’s an exe file.”
* Tech Support: “So it’s not a Quicktime file?”
* Customer: “No, and I can’t right click either, to do a Save Target As.”
* Tech Support: “Oh, but you’re sure it’s not a Quicktime file, right?”
* Customer: “Yes, it is an executable file, DOT E X E, not DOT M O V.”
* Tech Support: “Is it a .exe that can be opened in Quicktime?”

1. Viruses are free.

2. Viruses don’t take up most of your hard drive.

3. Viruses don’t need 80 megs of RAM.

4. Viruses don’t have major bugs.

5. Viruses don’t have three different sets of documentation.

6. Viruses don’t leak info to the press about the upcoming Chicago 95, to keep people from switching to Michelangelo/2 Warp.

7. Viruses aren’t on every computer.

8. Nobody cares if a virus turns out to be 16 bit, even though it is advertised as 32…

9. Viruses install themselves !

1) Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.

2) Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.

3) Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.

4) Press any key… no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!

5) Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test.

6) Close your eyes and press escape three times.

7) Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.

8 ) This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?

9) Windows message: “You have just made a type mismatch! Shall I format your brain?”

10) This is a message from God: “Rebooting the universe, please log off.”

11) Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.

12) BREAKFAST.SYS halted… Cereal port not responding. Read the rest of this entry »

INFO:

Microsoft is proudly to announce the latest Windows that will hit the stores, Windows 2012. Its 2012, because it will be launched in 2012, but lord bill gates talked to Jesus to bring 2012 sooner. This Windows will succeed the most spectacular windows made until today, the Windows Vista, and it will be even better. Has you all know, windows Vista, stunned the population on eareth due to the incredible easy use and safe programs, that made Vista so perfect. Also we all know that the Aero function, that turned Vista even more alive, will also be on Windows 2012.

New Features of Windows 2012:

- A brand new clock, that will work even better. It will also tell you when you need to update (recommend: 30 updates per day)
- A simple install system. When installing, users will chose from the full install or the recommended install. They are all the same, so don’t worry about choosing the wrong one.
- Windows 2012 will have the Microsoft Defender v50, that makes your computer safe.
- You may want to update windows 2012 to a better version right? No problem. Like Windows Vista you may select between: Read the rest of this entry »

No, Windows is not a virus. Here’s what viruses do:

1.They replicate quickly  okay, Windows does that.

2.Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so okay, Windows does that.

3.Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk  okay, Windows does that too.

4.Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. Sigh.. Windows does that, too.

5.Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. Yup, Windows does that, too.

Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences:

Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.

So Windows is not a virus. It’s a bug.