at the Age of…
22 years old…

1.Handsome
2.Charming
3.Financially successful
4.A caring listener
5.Witty
6.In good shape
7.Dresses with style
8.Appreciates finer things
9.Full of thoughtful surprises
10.An imaginative,romantic lover

32 years old…

1.Nice looking (prefer hair on his head)
2.Opens car doors, holds chairs
3.Has enough money for a nice dinner
4.Listens more then talks
5.laughs at my jokes
6.Carries bags of groceries with ease
7.Owns at least one tie
8.Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9.Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10.seeks romance at least once a week

42 years old…

1.Not too ugly (bald head OK)
2.Doesn’t drive off until I’m in the car
3.Works steady – splurges on dinners out occasionally
4.Nods head when I’m talking
5.Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6.Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7.Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8.Knows not to buy champagne screw-top lids
9.Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10.Shaves most weekends
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1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say “Could be better.” This will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness.

(Or–if she grabs your hand, squeeze hers really really hard until she
cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are)

3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she’s sleeping. If she
is say “You better be.” Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This
will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be
her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and
every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most.
Then–when she’s sleeping, steal all her small things and break them.
Because jewelry is for wussies.

7. If you’re talking to another girl, make sure shes looking. When she
is, stare into her eyes mouth the words “F*ck you” and grab the other
girls ass.
Girls love competition.

8. Tell her you’re taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she
thinks it’s going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire
yard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and
now you’re really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home.
When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that
lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear “…because I can.”

9. Introduce her to your friends as “some chick.” Women love those special nicknames.

10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.

11. Warm her up when shes cold…and not by giving her your jacket…
then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say “If you
don’t stop bitching about the cold right now you’re going to be
bitching about a black eye.” The best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there she’ll have to go to the
bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the
parties dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at
the party.

13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small
pet…kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn’t
girls?

14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she’s fast asleep, wait 10
minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! Repeat until she goes home
and you can use your arms for more important things…like basketball.

15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.
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I am a wild woman
I know, inspite of myself
and in spite of what I’ve been told
that there’s beauty in every age
no matter how oldI am a wild woman
I’ve learned what it means to be a life bearer
to bear children
to create art
to plant seeds of love

I am a wild woman
from the depths of the dirt underneath my fingernails
to the height of my very soul
I am one with the Earth
the winds from the four directions whisper through my skin

I am a wild woman
and the spirit of every wild woman coalesces in me
for we are each wild women
and we are all the spirit of the wild woman
I will follow the voice in my heart

I am a wild woman
I sing from my heart
I dance with the stars
I howl at the moon
I love uncontrollably

I am a wild woman
from the deepest, darkest, most sacred part of me
I am fearless
I cry in strength
I open my arms to the sky and welcome the rain

I am a wild woman
I nurture, love and protect
I stand, strongly, silently, sweetly for my brothers
I walk dutifully, prayerfully, joyfully upon the mother
and I will not be stopped

I am a wild woman.

1. The Female always makes THE RULES.

2. THE RULES are subject to change without notice.

3. No Male can possibly know all THE RULES.

4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all THE RULES, she must immediately change some or all of THE RULES.

5. The Female is never wrong.

6. If it appears the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding caused by something the Male did or said wrong.

7. If Rule #6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.
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A little boy asked his mother, “Why are you crying?”

Because “I’m a woman” ,she told him.

“I don’t understand “, he said.

His Mom just hugged him and said, “And you never will.“

Later the little boy asked his father, “Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?”

“All women cry for no reason”, was all his dad could say.

The little boy grew up and became a man, “still wondering why women cry…”

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Tomorrow you may get a working woman, but you should marry her with these facts as well.Here is a girl, who is as much educated as you are,Who is earning almost as much as you do.

One, who has dreams and aspirations just as you have because she is as human as you are.

One, who has never entered the kitchen in her life just like you or your sister haven’t, as she was busy in studies and competing in a system that gives no special concession to girls for their culinary achievements.

One, who has lived and loved her parents & brothers & sisters, almost as much as you do for 20-25 years of her life.

One, who has bravely agreed to leave behind all that, her home, people who love her, to adopt your home, your family, your ways and even your family ,name.

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The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears,the figure she carries, or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen from her eyes,because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul.It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows.

The beauty of a woman with time only grows.

WOMAN has MAN in it.

SHE has He in it.

Mrs. has Mr. in it.

MISTRESS has MISTER in it.

MADAM has ADAM in it.

HOSTESS has HOST in it.

FEMALE has MALE in it.

…….and so on the list is never ending, so no need to be proud…….BOYS, you are always incomplete without GIRLS.

Hey I can say in other words

FEMALE is in complete without MALE, because

To be a FEMALE MALE is necessary

To be a WOMAN MAN is necessary

TO construct MADAM ADAM is necessary

MRS can not be complete unless Mr. is prefixed.

It’s really not difficult to make a woman happy, A man only needs to be :

1. A Friend

2. A Companion

3. A Lover

4. A Brother

5. A Father

6. A Master

7. A Cheif

8. An Electrician

9. A Carpenter

10. A Plumber

11. A Mechanic

12. A Decorator

13. A Stylist

17. A Psychologist

18. A Pest exterminator

19. A Psychiatrist

20. A Healer

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HARD-DISK Woman:

She remembers everything, FOREVER.

RAM Woman:

She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.

WINDOWS Woman:

They say she can do a lot of things but you mostly use her for your four basic needs.

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